How many Glasgow city contractors does it take to change a light bulb? Such a question hadn’t occurred to me before, I have to say. But on a short trip up the road to Shawlands to run some errands, I discovered that changing a light bulb up here is quite a considerable undertaking.
First you must cordon off two carriageways over a mile long distance, involving two major junctions on Dumbreck Road, one of which is a motorway junction (the other with Haggs Road). This will lead to the necessary tailbacks to other junctions of course. A two minute journey (observing the speed limit, unlike most people there) is turned into a fifteen minute crawl. Ensure that there are plenty of cones spaced evenly, and ensure that the traffic-light timings are such that even a slight tailback from the filtering process will lead to much more complex congestion than would otherwise be the case.
Select six people wearing yellow high-visibility jackets, two trucks with moving platforms, and at least five clipboards. Remember, only one of you will actually be changing light bulbs. Now drive along the cordoned off area slowly, changing each light bulb in turn with no concern over the effect this is having on the traffic. Allow at least 10 minutes per light. You will already have selected a busy time during the day, rather than later at night when traffic is lighter. After all, changing light bulbs is a noisy activity and it might wake the nearby residents…
So the answer is six, plus at least two hundred (at any one time) annoyed and frustrated drivers watching a bit of a farce as light bulbs were changed. Oh, and I should add that the lightbulbs that were being changed were all working perfectly the last time I looked (which was only a few days ago). Better to spend the money on doing it all in one go whether it needs it or not, than to do it when it’s necessary.
But it needed to be done, I hear the less ranting reader say, and better one moment of pain than lots of trips out? True. I can understand why it makes more sense to do it in one go. But to cordon off two roads, halving the capacity, just strikes me as bonkers. Why not just a short cordon around the working vehicles? It’s dual carriageway on both sides, and it’s not exactly difficult to move bollards and signs as the trucks move is it?
Still, six people doing the work of two ensures that the worlds supply of hard hats, high-vis jackets and - of course - clipboards are being properly utilised, and for that I suppose I should be grateful.
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