Readers who aren’t made of stern stuff might wish to avert their eyes if details of a dental observation might cause distress… Not averting? Ok. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Right. Well, you have been warned…
I had a glass of red wine last night. OK, maybe it was more than one. It was certainly fewer than “many”. But anyway, as any good person, I went off to brush my teeth just before going to bed, and did that foolish thing of grinning at the mirror, and a not so nice set of gnashers greeted me. A dark red, almost black hue (I did warn you!). A spot of good, healthy, vigorous brushing later, with a reputable brand of toothpaste, and my gnashers were back to their normal selves, and my Hollywood agent was able to breath a sigh of relief. Or something.
But the whole, well, ghastly apparition did cause me to have something of a flashback. Do you remember back in the early 1980’s, being given those chewable plaque detector sweets that were supposed to show up how horrific and irresponsible our childish dental hygiene was, and consequently guilty bludgeon us into a proper brushing routine? You know, the ones that turned your teeth some awful (well, I might have cooled it ‘cool’ at the time) shade of purple or pink, with highlighted bits where the plaque was? I seem to remember being given a special bit of toothpaste too, and have vague recollections my dentist might have been complicit in it all as well. Think it also tasted quite nice too. Which is always good.
Mmmm. Well, my red-wine encounter served a few key purposes. One was to re-affirm my faith in the general superiority of beer over red wine. Beer is a good friend, and doesn’t discolour your teeth like the harlot that is red wine. She is a cruel and deceitful mistress who is not to be trusted… The second was to remind me that brushing my teeth at Bed Time is a “Good Thing”.
The third was to remind me that dental hygene lessons back at school in the early 1980’s was so much better than the general tutting you get from dentists now you’re an adult. All that talk about floss and fillings and scraping. I don’t remember getting scraping as a kid. Pliers, sure, but not much scraping.
OK, so it’s been a while since I’ve been to the dentist, and worrying I am long overdue going again. But I bet they don’t have cool chewable plaque detector sweets available anymore. At least without a surcharge. Or if they do, they probably don’t taste as good as they did. Either that or my friends just won’t be as impressed as they were back at school. It’s the whole waggon wheel thing all over again, really. They really are smaller these days. So are Creme eggs.
[Shakes fist]
Damn you Cadbury’s!
Frances is of course reminding me as I relate this story to her that there were way cooler things to stain your mouth with when you were younger. Blackjack’s and Slush Puppies in particular. Not sure dentists approved of those in quite the same way though…
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