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Oh for the day when milk bottle tops were silver things you pressed with your thumb, presuming of course that the blue-tits hadn’t got at it first, or the cream had frozen up and pushed it off from inside. I took particular and perverse pleasure as a child at pushing the tops down almost to the point of breaking, to admire the indentation. Yes, it’s strange to me too, reading that back.

What is it with supermarkets and their ridiculous milk bottle/carton/plastic container tops these days? The ones that really do my head in are those with a really very small oval tab just on the edge of the main top. It’s far too small to get at, and invariably snaps off, requiring me to get out a knife or somesuch to pierce the top and rip the whole top off. All presuming it hasn’t snapped off on opening the screw top lid…

Some supermarkets are better than others. Morrisons, for all their excellence in making sturdy plastic bags, just can’t do a decent bottle top at all. Sainsbury’s and Asda don’t do too badly. M&S have the heavy duty half-circle piece of plastic that covers most of the plastic top. It feels sturdy, it doesn’t snap off, but sadly it’s rare we have milk from them.

Come the revolution (and it’s coming, don’t you worry), I plan to appoint a special commissioner for such matters. And not a Tsar. I should remind you that the use of the term “Tsar”, or “Csar”, will be banned within the first 100 days of my government. And we won’t be “learning lessons” from this either. Oh no. That’s “not fit for purpose”, you see. All such phrases will be banned, on pain of having to use these irritating milk bottle tops for the rest of your life. A modern day task for a modern day Sisyphus, you could say.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 17th, 2008 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Humour, Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.