A poor cup of coffee…
I really hate it when I go to a coffee shop and get a poor cup of coffee. It’s much like a bad pint of beer (invariably because not enough people are drinking it to get decent turnover of barrels). But coffee doesn’t go off as such, it just takes a bit of effort.
So we got back from “Bonjourno” in Shawlands, here in Glasgow. Whilst it wasn’t the worst latte I’ve ever had by a long shot, it wasn’t great. But it’s gotten me wound up. I immediately set to work on the single-cup cafetiere I have here to sort things out. I then rolled up my sleeves (well, virtually speaking) for a bit of a rant, in way of helping other coffee drinkers identify a likely bad-coffee-experience, here are the warning signs to look:
Milk on the steamer. If a coffee shop can’t keep it’s milk steamer clean, there’s little hope for the place. Leave now. It’s the best indicator you have, unless you really are that desperate for caffeine you’re prepared to sacrifice your coffee-loving soul. Where does it possibly make sense to put fresh milk even close to something with crusty milk all over it.
Pre-ground coffee. Sorry. How long does it take to grind fresh beans? Not very long. Why then do so many coffee shops use pre-ground, invariably stale coffee? It goes stale in hours. Hence why at home it’s sensible to keep your pre-ground coffee in a sealed container in the fridge. But even then it goes off after a week or so. Anyway, when I go out for coffee, please grind it there for me.
Cigarette smokers. Bastards the lot of them. Well, when they’re sat next to me and I have no choice of where to sit. But fear not, my smoking friends, I’m happy to sit with you. I’ve made the choice. It’s when I’ve not got the choice, and it’s a stranger on the table next to me (usually with the cigarette smoking nearer to me than them in between drags) that I really get to dislike it.
Kids running around. Why is it that every coffee shop is turning into a bloody creche these days? Beanscene in Shawlands is resembling a playschool more than a coffee shop on a weekend (and probably not much better during the week, with schoolkids in the mix for good measure). No chance at all of a seat without some rug rat grasping the table I’m sat at and dribbling over my croissant. Parents please, keep your kids under control in the proximity of croissants in public places. I’ve a free coffee due to me there from my tokens, but it’ll be the last coffee I have until I can work out what times to avoid the place. Just like restaurants have a “no smoking area”, it’d be nice if there was a “no kids” area too.
Poorly trained staff. Or Barrista’s if you’re an upmarket coffee shop chain like Nero (which does do a good cup). Oh so often the training must be as simple as “That’s the coffee machine, and the milk’s in that thing there, er, the fridge”. Nobody seems to have told Wayne that it’s important not to scold the milk. Similarly, clean that bloody steamer! I don’t want a coffee that tastes strange due to scolded milk. Suggestion is to ask for an Americano with milk on the side. Quite hard to screw that one up Wayne. Assuming your coffee isn’t stale.
Sorry. But getting between me and a coffee is really a bad thing to be doing. And despite Glasgow having a booming coffee culture, there’s still a way to go. At least until I’ve had my coffee. After that, I’m usually a bit more tolerant.
March 20th, 2005 at 5:49 pm
kids in coffeeshops - yeah, i know the score…
however, from a ‘modern dad’ perspective, i get far more
pissed off with ridiculous anti-kid licensing restrictions in boozers. if a pub has the audacity to charge 11 quid for a plate of sausage and mash, they should really tolerate the odd kid - since it’s us stressed parents who are most likely to sit down and blow a few quid on food and beer in return for a reasonably safe and secure environment for our kids.
north london was fine, with plenty of yuppie pubs welcoming children, brighton is very backwards in this, most of the pubs won’t even let kids through the door…
that’s why you find us all hanging around in coffeeshops…
April 10th, 2005 at 10:30 pm
You forgot to mention the other things that they do to kill a coffee…
Sourcing greasy beans which make the coffee have a slightly oily surface and taste, well… wrong.
Over roasting the beans: I am a great fan of strong roast coffee but when they burn the beans, no decent coffee can come from this.
On the other hand there is a great coffee shop at the bottom of my road in Sheffield. Their beans are freshly ground, the milk steamed to perfection and the atmosphere is great. Darn the small size of my bank balance…
October 30th, 2005 at 7:04 pm
[...] So we’re slowly bringing order to the chaos. We took a stroll into Shawlands today to visit the Beanscene there. It was their fifth anniversary, so it was packed to the rafters with kids getting their faces painted. It’s a nice place to go, but during the day at a weekend it’s filled with parents and kids (see previous rants), but it’s a great place in an evening. [...]