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As part of my job I have to think of worse-case scenarios, and plan/consider the response for them. As I’m a full-time computer geek, this is along the lines of “what if this computer fails”, or “how to recover last months reports”, or “can we cope with double the demand”. Disconcertingly, managers always also go on to ask “what if you get run over by a bus?”.

I’m sure they mean well, they’re worried about system passwords and such, but… It’s always a bus.

Do they know something I don’t? They often go as far as suggesting it’ll be red. Never a number-plate though. Oh no. That’d be helpful, and we all know where management stands on that

But I digress slightly. I got to thinking of this when I was reading the news of a tragic death. Such events are always sad and always different. But I’m struck by the similarity of the reporting for such events. The press seem to follow a specific pattern.

First they find neighbours (or is it the other way around?) and get some sound-bites, usually along the lines of “he was popular in the local community“, “he’ll be greatly missed“, or (if the person in question is suspected of something dubious) the more implicitly sinister “he kept himself to himself“. Always wonder why that’s viewed as abnormal in London, where I rarely knew any (and liked even fewer) of my neighbours.

Secondly they seem to find a local politician (or is it the other way around?), who talks in generic terms about the “sad loss for the community“, and that they’ll make sure “we get to the bottom of it“, and other such vague assurances.

Finally they seem to find the local priests (or is it the other way around?). This is what really bugs me. There’s an implicit assumption that the priest has a right to get involved. Maybe they do check the views of the affected, but I’m suspicious given the ubiquitous dog-collar-at-sad-event. Can I put it on record that, if ever I get hit by a bus and it makes the news (Probably something along the lines of ‘weblogger predicted own death by bus‘. Deary me, no broadsheet coverage for me…): Don’t get priests involved. I’m an atheist, and don’t even like most priests. Far too sanctimonious for my liking.

Interesting aside is that “The State” always appears to insist on religious “memorial” services for the great and the good, even when the subject of the service was a Humanist. Ronnie Barker is a case in point. Well loved. Has a Humanist funeral. Gets a religious memorial service from the state. Go figure.

The other thing is my tongue-in-cheek “or is it the other way around?”. Where do they find the people? The press turn up to record some event for the news, do they then start knocking on doors, or do they grab the rubber-necking neighbours and ask for a sound-bite. Do the neighbours then get all excited back at home when they appear on TV, despite the sad event they’ve commented on? Strange combination of emotions, I’m sure, if they are genuinely sad about what happened, but genuinely excited to be on TV (as I think most people are… right? Certainly judging by the frequent looning going on behind the “live at the scene” reporter)

News reporting with too much self-selection is worrying as it skews the event. Perhaps not that dissimilar to the thing so many programmes do of ensuring “balance”. Giving equal weight to alternative arguments paints a false picture. Global warming is a great example: Massive science behind it, but it’s reported “fairly” by ensuring the few scientists who disagree frequently get equal airtime, making it appear to be more “uncertain” than it is in reality.

Similarly, is the BBC on an anti-alcohol moral campaign right now? Sure too much alcohol is bad for you, but I count three major news items that featured prominently on their flagship news programmes, in the last 3-4 weeks: Labelling of alcohol; Youth binge-drinking endemic; Middle-class drinking the real problem. All fair enough, but I’m detecting a particular morality focus from the BBC news editorial team at the moment.

But to try and bring this ramble to a close, wouldn’t it be funny if I did get hit by a bus. OK, maybe not… Just don’t invite any priests to comment on it. Unless they were Pastafarians of course. Preferably dressed as pirates. Now, that would make me laugh.